Kat Cruz: Multidimensional Artist & Inclusivity in Austin Creative Scene
Interviewed by Elise Montemayor
Hello Glaze readers! I’m Elise Montemayor and part of the writing/community connection departments here at Glaze. I got the opportunity to chat with a really cool person that has such amazing talent and energy. Kat Cruz (They/Them) is a multidimensional artist, musician, photographer, and model. They have contributed to Glaze for both photography and modeling. Just recently they did the Rocky Horror Picture Show themed shoot for Glaze’s next issue (out December. In this interview we talk about everything from DIY photography, finding personal style and our love of Pinterest.
Tell me a little about what you do, how would you describe your style? (regarding creativity, modeling, music, photography)
Okay let me start on what I do. I shoot on a film camera. A lot of people think that I have an expensive camera or a bunch of equipment, but I actually just have a kind of shitty point and shoot. I just shoot on the cheapest film I can get my hands on. a lot of people might think that's like, not professional or whatever, but I just can't really afford anything else. And I feel like in my opinion, it's a bit of an elitist mindset to think you have to have all this expensive equipment and like, all this background knowledge. So I try to still make really amazing art and photos with the little materials that I have. And I'm honestly really proud of the work that I've done. I think the only reason that I'm good at photography with little resources and knowledge with film and stuff is because I've been doing it for so long. I've been doing it for like four or five years now. At first it started as something that was just kind of fun. I just carried a camera around to shoot my friends and then people would just be like, “Oh my god, your pictures make me feel something,” “I feel like you can really capture individuals in a way that I've never seen in other people's pictures or like digital cameras,” “keep doing what you're doing,” and “I really love your art” stuff like that. And then I saw the glaze application thing last year and I was like, maybe I should give this a shot and then it turned out they really liked my photography.
As far as style goes, I really don't know how to describe my style. I feel like over the past couple of years, I've gone through a lot of style changes. When I was in high school, I was super passionate about fashion, but I didn't feel like I fully expressed myself. And I also wasn't very unique like I kind of just copied other people. I was very impressionable. So if I saw someone wearing a cute outfit, I wouldn't like to take inspiration from it and make my own. I'd rather copy it. Looking back I don't like that part of myself. I'm glad I grew out of it. But it was crazy. Like as soon as I graduated and like got a taste of freedom. I just got like, super super passionate about it. I immediately started thrifting and I just didn't put any limits on my style or anything like if I went to a goodwill and I saw something even if it was like objectively ugly, or like not trendy or whatever I would see like hope in it and I would find a way to make it work and pair it with something that I own. And I feel like I did a pretty good job at it. I'm not proud of all the outfits I've been working on since I graduated but I'm proud of myself for having the confidence to just go for it and wear it even if it might not be cute or whatever. Now I've definitely curated in a very specific style that’s more me. I went through a goth phase too, and I feel like I'm still kind of in that to an extent like the emo goth style phase but I like the more fairy core stuff as well. I have a friend named Irene that I'm really inspired by. Yeah, she's one of my best friends and I just really love everything she wears. I draw a lot of inspiration from her.
Where did your interest in the creativity scene start and how did it get you to where you are now?
I grew up in a family of musicians. So I was kind of destined to be creative, I would say. But, the paths that my parents tried to put me on, I didn't exactly go on. My mom is a choir teacher and her passion is choral singing. That was my passion for a big chunk of my life from sixth grade to when I graduated from high school. I don't even want to say it's not anymore like, I don't think when you look at me you would think oh, that's someone who’s into choir. I don't know if it really is anymore but when I hear the songs I used to sing or like acapella like choral group groups I'll get goosebumps and get really emotional because it was just such a big part of who I was for so long. Also I have a really, really personal relationship with my mom so I think it reminds me of her. It’s a very nostalgic and emotional thing for me. And then my dad, he's a classical guitarist. He really likes classical music and he also likes classic rock. He listens to a lot of AC DC and Led Zeppelin... stuff like that. He started me on classical guitar when I was like 12 and I was doing finger picking, going down that route. But I really liked one direction. My guitar teacher was trying to teach me all these classical songs and I was like “can we play one thing by One Direction?” I would learn a bunch of pop songs and cover them on the guitar. Then I had my first gig at Mozart's when I was like, I want to say 15 or 16.
And it was really scary because it was just meI didn't have a band to back me up. It was a solo gig, just my voice and my guitar. I honestly can't believe I did that. It (the audience) was a lot of my friends, my family and family friends, but there's also, like, a couple of random people just chillin at Motzart’s that were there. It was comforting to have a bunch of my friends and family friends there. So I think that's really what got me through it. Having like that support. But yeah, I was really scared. I remember trying to talk into the mic and be bubbly and likreate conversation with the audience and I couldn't speak. iIt was a lot for a little kid and I had a lot of anxiety that was untreated, too. So yeah, I guess I guess that's kind of where I started getting interested creatively. In middle school. I started listening to emo music, like branching out from pop like One Direction, stuff like that. I started watching skins and I thought Effie Stonem was so cool. I feel like that's when I kind of started being like emo or whatever because before that, I was a Christian and like, definitely just a very different person.
What are some major differences between being in front of the camera vs. behind it?
Well, there's a lot I would say. I feel like finding similarities would be a more difficult question than finding differences because I think they're very different. Being behind the camera is overwhelming sometimes. For shoots and stuff, especially like, I'll bring my camera places when I'm going out and just take pictures of my friends or cool lights or whatever I see. I'll just l see something, have a vision and be like “I need to capture this,” and that's not overwhelming or scary, that's just more of like a fun thing. A lot of my favorite pictures I've gotten from just doing that. For shoots for things like Glaze and like every time I've done shoots of my friends and bands or whatever and having to pose the models and come up with all of the ideas for the shoot is very scary, honestly. With modeling, you can just sit there and look cute but modeling can be hard sometimes too. Like during my last few modeling shoots, our photographer was asking us to scream and it takes a lot of balls to just scream in front of the camera and in front of a bunch of people that you don't know. That part of modeling is difficult because you have to have the ability to put yourself out there in whatever way that the photographer wants you to. That can be kind of hard, but I used to be like a huge theater kid so I kind of got over that. Now I'm just like a weirdo and can do shit like that. But yeah, I would say photography is a lot harder than modeling. When I had photography shoots for glaze I would get really anxious and prepare for it a lot. I would create a mood board on Pinterest of pictures that kind of solidify my vision and just I would try to look at pictures of the shoot location and come up with shots that I want to take, stuff like that. But when I was modeling, I would just kind of show up and get my makeup done and then be like alright, tell me what to do. So yeah, I feel like they're pretty different. At least for me. I think photography is a lot more like mentally taxing.
Where do you shop? Do you prefer online or in person- what is the biggest difference between the two?
I primarily shop second hand. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I bought clothing from an actual Corporation. Depop is one of the main places I shop at. So that would be like the online aspect, I guess it's still secondhand. I like Depop a lot because I used to be a Depop seller. I made a lot of money from it. And I like the idea of supporting like a lower class individual. Rather than just supporting a corporation because even thrift stores can be unethical like Goodwill, the owners are millionaires. With Depop you're actually paying a working class individual person. Also, what I do a lot of the time is following a bunch of sellers on Instagram or my friends will do story sales or whatever. I'm looking at this dress I bought from one of my friends right now. It's really cute! Shout out to Micah! But yeah, that's another way I get a lot of my clothes because then money's going directly towards them. There's no fee. I'm just like helping my friend out and helping them clean out their closet. One has been pissing me off a lot recently though are resellers on Instagram or Depop or whatever that are going to Goodwill, finding super cheap baby tees and upselling them for like $50 or some crazy shit. And certain circumstances, like, if you're unable to get a job because you've been incarcerated, you're an immigrant or something like that, and that's how you're making your money, I fully support you on that. But it seems like a majority of these resellers are people that have their parents' money and don't really need the money. They're just doing it to be cool or something. It pisses me off a lot.
Now places like goodwill are like, “Oh, well, now I can sell stuff for more” even though there's people that shop there that actually can't afford shop anywhere else and now they're having to deal with the prices going up because all these people with rich parents need to have their little like fashion accounts or whatever. Like, this started off really good.
How do you find “the shot”? (in regards to photography)
I like to take a vision and style the models in a certain way. If I'm not feeling it, I won't waste film on it. I'll be like, Okay, let's try something else. And once I get it right, then I'll just put my body in a bunch of different angles and every angle that I like, I'll take a picture there. Sometimes I don't like the angle and I'm like, Okay, let's go on to another one. So it's just a lot of experimentation and like trying out things. I was in this photography class and one of the things that my photography teacher gave us as advice was that if you see a shot that you like, and it's not like hitting in that moment, just stand there for a couple more minutes. It's not now or never, you know. If you see it and it doesn't look great, it's not the only opportunity to capture the shot. If you're in a hurry, that'd be one thing. But yeah, just stand there for a couple minutes and see if anything changes. If there's not really any action in it and then all of a sudden the bird flies in or like a butterfly or something try to capture it. That's like one of the best words of advice I've gotten. That definitely changed the way that I shoot. Now I’ll wait until the right moment and the shot is just so much better. Like, if the sun isn't doing the right thing at that specific moment, that's okay. That doesn't mean it's not going to be a good picture. I just got to give it some time. And sometimes the good picture doesn't come and that's okay not every picture has to be great. But sometimes waiting two or five minutes really does make the difference.
How do you express and explore your creativity?
I guess with fashion, it's probably the easiest for me to talk about. I just try to be super unique. And like I said earlier, if I see potential in a clothing item, even if everyone else is like, “I don't know It's kind of ugly”, I'll still just like to see potential in it. I feel like a lot of my creativity, like in all the realms that I do it is trial and error, like same photography. But I will try to allow myself a lot of time before work or plans or whatever to literally just stand for my mirror and try on like every assessor combination that I have until I find a good one.
It might look like I just throw something on or run out the door, but I really do like, try to perfect it. I'll be like this necklace looks cute with it, but maybe another necklace might look cuter. I just tried to make it as me as I possibly could. Like I said earlier, like in high school, I would copy people and I'm so turned off by that version of myself that now I just want to be like the most unique person ever and just always be doing my own thing. So I think that's another thing that inspires me now. Like, instead of copying someone's look I’ll just draw inspiration from it and find a way to make it my own. I also honestly really love Pinterest not gonna lie. I have a whole board of outfits that I'm inspired by and then try to make it my own. I have so much fun doing that. Sometimes when I'm in a really bad mood or having a bad day I'll just put outfits out of what I own and then I'll have more outfits to wear later on. I don't know, it's just fun. Photography wise I guess I try to be unique with those pictures too. I really, really love colorful lights. I've taken so many pictures at raves , Coconut Club and stuff like that because it (colorful lights) makes everything look so much cooler and especially when you're shooting on film. My camera has a little bit of a delay sometimes and the pictures will just come out so cool. I can't expect what they're going to look like even if they're blurry like the blurriness looks intentional and I don't even know how to describe it. But I'm always the most proud of those photos.
Do you think Austin’s creative scene is diverse and inclusive, why or why not?
I guess something that really bothers me is a scene of people in Austin who have really rich parents and have never really experienced discrimination and that don’t have punk beliefs but like call themselves punk or like, follow like a punk lifestyle if that makes sense.
Like they'll be like acab or whatever but then, call the police on like a homeless person or something like that. I feel like there's a percentage of the creative scene that are people like that, and it just bothers me so much. That part of it just turns me off a lot. I just know so many people like that. I don't know if you know any people like that. I know so many people like that and it honestly makes me kind of dislike Austin in that way but I'm sure there's people like that everywhere. Honestly. It's just been very prevalent recently and it just pisses me off. It's so performative. I don't know how else to describe it besides that. You know, there are some people that come from a background that’s just ignorant and it's not necessarily them, they just like literally were raised to believe certain things. The people that are still open to new beliefs and expanding what they know, I'm not necessarily talking about. It’s the people that are close minded and are unwilling to learn or educate themselves or think that's not their responsibility as a rich white person, like those people really bother me. It's like, you are not punk babes.
It sounds like I'm like gatekeeping punk or whatever but It's really just about politics, honestly. The whole punk scene started from being angry about capitalism and the political system. You can't call yourself that, if you would call the cops on the homeless person. That's not even gatekeeping. That's just facts.
But I don't want that to be my only answer because there are a lot of creatives that I associate myself with that are literally the best people ever and they’re very cultured, diverse and educated on politics. Not only that, but open minded to learning new things. I love people like that so much. I feel like there are a lot of people like that in Austin, like lower income creatives that can't even really afford to do much about shitbut it makes them so happy that that's where they prioritize their income and stuff like that. That part of the creative scene I really love and appreciate all will alway support. I think Glaze does a pretty good job of being diverse, too.
Do you feel like there are challenges to being a non binary creative?
Definitely, yes. I feel like just being non binary in general regardless of what your passions are or how you express yourself in whatever way just kind of sucks sometimes. Especially in the creative scene, I get misgendered a lot and it's weird to me, because I feel like creatives are the last people I would expect to do that. Even like all my shoots, I can't think of a single one where I wasn't being misgendered the whole time. And I'm not the type of person to like, call you out on that. I know I should. But like, I just don't. And honestly, all my non better friends are the same way that they just kind of take it. It's sad because it's really hard to speak out about stuff like that. I kind of wish people that are cis would stand up for them more because it happens a lot. But also, it's hard for me to get upset about that because gendering people correctly can be hard sometimes. I don't I honestly don't feel like it's that hard, but I'll mess up someone's pronouns every now and then. So I do understand. It's just a matter of trying, I guess like you don't have to get it right every time but when you don't get it right at least correct yourself and try harder the next time. It seems like even in the creative scene, where there's a bunch of alternative people that are super like open minded will not make it one of top their priorities and that kind of sucks sometimes. I saw this post one time by a non binary person and it was talking about how misgendering people isn't about rewiring the words in your brain to get their pronouns right, It's about seeing them as the person that they are. I feel like there's people that call me they/them and still see me as a woman. Like, yeah, my pronouns are them thank you for trying to get that right but they're not just that for fun. Like I actually just don't identify with being a woman at all. I feel like for cis people especially they just don't get it and so it's really hard for their brains to process that. I guess I get that, like, I'm not cic so I don't understand, but like, if I wasn't non binary, I might be really confused by that whole concept, but I just think everyone needs to rewire their brains to just remove gender from like their everyday lives because it just seems like there's people there's people that still view me as a woman and I'm not. It's just kind of sad.
Beyond misgendering I've never felt really discriminated against as a non binary person. I'm also half white so I get a lot of privilege from that. I'm sure it would be different if I wasn't.
It's just the misgendering thing that’s kind of weird to me and just feeling like I'm being perceived as female all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, oh, sorry. Okay, go ahead. I read these questions. I'm speaking specifically about photography, but in the music scene it’s really rough because not only am I not seen as a non binary person, but I am seen as a woman and male musicians are literally the worst because they just don't see women as talented or capable of giving a shit about music and so it's terrible. Like, not only am I not being perceived as like the person who I am, but I'm being perceived as this woman that doesn't know what the fuck they're doing or what the fuck they're talking about all the time. It really sucks being talked down to by all these male musicians with all this privilege and all these like backgrounds of music that not everyone has the privilege to have. It's just terrible.
It's also been a year (since coming out). At this point, I am this person and I'm very comfortable in my skin. It took me a while to get there. For a while I would gaslight myself and would see somewhat conservative articles saying that women call themselves non binary for attention or whatever, and I'd be like, Oh, that's true I'm just a woman. I'm just doing this for attention. And it was this horrible period that lasted for months of just gender confusion and like, not validating myself and talking myself out of being non binary, but I’ve finally gotten to a point where I'm confident that that's what I am and I'm so comfortable in my skin now. I’m proud of myself. It has a lot to do with the people I surround myself with. I have so many non binary friends that are like literally going through the same shit, like gender confusion and gender dysmorphia and stuff like that. It has a lot to do with the people I surround myself with. I have so many no binary friends that are going through the same shit like gender confusion and gender dysmorphia. Having the people who I love to death that identify with being non binary has really helped me figure out who I am. I just love the theys!
How do you define art?
Have you heard of that banana that was taped to the wall at that art exhibit and was sold for billions of dollars or whatever? I had this huge discourse in one of my old art classes about this very question because to every person art can be something completely different. The world has been around for so long that I feel like it really hard to do something creative and even if you have an artistic idea and you put it onto paper or whatever medium you prefer, it might no be considered art because its not original um…say with music like, it's hard to write a song that doesn't kind sounds like another song. It is a very tricky phenomenon. Going back to that banana thing, the reason why it went for so much money was because it was an original concept. In my opinion it wasn't an amazing art piece, I don't want to say that objectively cause some people might think that it's incredible like, Performance art or whatever but taping a banana to a wall did take that much time effort, energy and pain to put into your artwork but it's never been done before. So even that is my opinion I'm sure there are people out there who would argue that it's entirely wrong and that art can be whatever it wants to be. I guess I’m still trying to figure that out, I don't know, so many people’s idea of art is so different that it's hard to say exactly what it is. I guess for me personally, I’m a very dramatic and emotional person and I’ve always been my whole life. I’m very empathic, I just feel things so deeply like, I’ve been told by other people that I feel things so much deeper than the average person.
So, creating art for me is about putting those feelings into it especially with my music. I’ll sing my songs and feel all of the pain. I have one song I wrote about my most recent break up. Writing those lyrics was so painful because I was in the moment when I was going through it and I was just writing exactly how I felt. Even though I’ve moved on alot and I don't really feel that pain anymore, through music I can remember how I once felt and I think that’s the beauty of art. It’s kind of like a time capsule, it can take you back to your emotions and feelings that you don't personally feel anymore but you did at one point in time. It can just remind you of what that pain was like and also give you hope to get you though the next painful thing because it’s a reminder that you’ve gotten past that. I think it’s really beautiful that you can take something so tragic and painful and put it into something that's so beautiful like, I love that song (that they wrote). I don't love the way I felt when I wrote it or the situation I was in when I wrote it, but if there was one thing good to come out of that it was an amazing song that I’m really proud of. You can say that about all mediums of art like, A lot of painters and physical artists will say the same thing. They’ll just be going through so much shit and put all of their energy into one of their art pieces. Not only is it beautiful that you're able to create something so good out of something so bad but it also is like a coping mechanism. It makes you feel better. You’re putting all this terrible energy into something so beautiful. I think that's really the best way to do it. So yeah, I guess that’s what art is to me. It's different for everyone. It could be the banana taped to the wall I don't know! I think about that example so much because art is just a word. It can be anything but it is so crazy that so many people have a different opinion on it (art) cause it's just one thing but also many things. Also it's nothing but also it’s everything!
Follow Kat Cruz on Instagram @katrcruz